The Luckiest Dad

Tonight as I was rocking Orion to sleep, I teared up thinking it was only a few years ago where I was watching other moms and dads walk down the street with their little ones, wishing that was me. As Orion fell asleep with his head on my shoulder, I got emotional over the thought that he made my dream came true.

Soon it will be Father's Day again and after that Orion will be turning two. He is such an independent little individual, has to do most things on his own. He HAS to feed himself with the spoon... no help from daddy or anyone else! And the way he does it, so carefully and calculated is just hilarious. Not only independent but so affectionate, compassionate, loving and caring.

He's also one of the biggest flirters I've ever known... today while he was getting his haircut, he was smiling at the people who were watching him in the waiting area. Afterwards, we went to the mall and he'd smile and run up to people who were passing him by. Later at Home Depot, he'd take the receipt from the self serve cash and give it to the sales associate at the door. The world is his oyster and I love him so.

Warning: Your Personal Photos

How would you feel if you came across another surrogacy blog, another surrogacy web site with your personal photos of you and your family on them, using them to promote their surrogacy business without your consent? This is what happened to me today, as it was flagged to me that my photos were being used in this manner without my permission. I felt violated and hurt that me and my son would be exploited in this way and saddened more than anything else.

I have since scrubbed my blog of any photos of me and my son. Business and Marketing 101: if you want to use other people's photos, then ask for permission first. Otherwise, you're opening yourself up to a world of legal troubles. Most people with common sense would get a subscription to a stock photo bank to avoid legalities.

I had a new blog entry planned for this weekend as well with photos to share but of course, now, I have little motivation to post and am wary about sharing photos from this point on. Some people would have deleted their blog over something like this. I won't as I want to keep sharing my story with others, just not have my photos appear on other web sites without my knowledge. It's a shame that I will now have to be discretionary as to what photos I put up on my blog of my son and I since there are people out there that will use them for their own personal reasons.


***UPDATE: Since this post, they seem to have removed the photos of me and my son so as a courtesy, I've removed any references to them here. But they never once apologized, answered/acknowledged any of my e-mails/concerns, which I find questionable. This is not how I would do business. Hopefully though this post will still be helpful to some and make us be more mindful/cautious about the kind of personal photos we share online.

A Very Sad Day

Despite the hard work of clinics in India to come to some agreement with the government, it was announced today that one clinic in Delhi would suspend working with everyone except heterosexually married couples who have been married longer than 2 years, in order to be aligned with the direction from the Indian Ministry of Home Affairs.

Hence for now, any single individuals, same sex couples or heterosexual couples not married or married less than 2 years may not be able to get an exit visa for their baby if they find a clinic to work with them.

Words cannot express the anger I feel towards this move (not towards the clinics but the government) and I hope there are repercussions felt amongst and within the government.

I hope this changes back to the way it was so clinics have the FREEDOM to work with whoever they choose in making dreams come true instead of having to comply with this discrimination.

Thankfully, for those that have frozen embryos and sperm in India, there are some issues still being worked out so there is still hope yet...

Update for Canadians

I can't believe that this July, it will already have been 2 years since Orion was born. I think about India every day; running in the rain with my mom at night, carrying Orion around in his carrier, my dad the wandering traveller being happy there in his element, the Eid celebrations, the people we met and helped us along in our journey... it will always be in my heart. Every day I also think about when will be the right time to go back just to visit or maybe go back and try for a sibling for Orion.

I've had people write me though and people post on my blog that things are becoming increasingly difficult. Not only difficult with these new guidelines being issued (which I hope fade away and never become law) on behalf of the Indian Ministry of Home Affairs but also difficult with the Canadian High Commission in India. What was once a simplified 4-6 week wait to get home after the baby was born has turned into a logistical nightmare with the wait being upwards of over 2 months. What the heck happened?

For one, apparently now the DNA tests are only done in Delhi and I think only once a month. Before, the DNA testing could be scheduled within days of the baby being born. I had to write the High Commission to express my concerns:


"The reason for my e-mail is that it has recently been brought to my attention that Canadians now in India for the birth of their children, are now effectively stuck there for up to 2 months or more due to an apparent lapse in procedure on behalf of the Canadian High Commission there. This is very concerning as there seems to be a lot of uncertainty and distress amongst Canadians there now, as to how long much longer they will be there for with their newborn children, waiting to come home to Canada.

I can relate to this as I was there myself in 2011 for the birth of my son, which is why, in part, I wanted to take action and write to you. Thankfully during my time in India, there seemed to be an efficient and sensical process in place at the time where I was able to have the DNA testing done and receive the baby’s temporary passport in Mumbai all within 4-6 weeks. For some reason, two steps backwards seems to have been taken with the approach now, as the process in getting them home is reportedly taking up to 2+ months. For example, the DNA testing is now only being done in Delhi, complicating things as Canadians must fly there with their newborn babies from wherever they may be in India. Canadians who are there now are feeling helpless and stuck in India with their newborn babies and are looking to the Canadian government for help in getting home in an efficient manner.

Is there any immediate relief that can be done to get the process streamlined back down to 4-6 weeks or less? Are there plans for any clear guidance (in the form of a bulletin, etc) to be issued to Canadians who may be going for the first time/returning to India or who are there in India now, waiting to return home with their children so that it is less confusing, distressing and more efficient to get Canadians home in a reasonable timeframe?

Sincere thanks for giving this issue your attention."

I was quite surprised that I got a response the very next business day!

"The High Commissioner has asked me to respond to your email on his behalf.   

I appreciate you taking the time to write and voice your concerns on behalf of Canadian citizens. 

As you may know, DNA tests are generally requested only in cases where a child is born through assisted reproduction or surrogacy.  DNA tests are requested by Citizenship and Immigration Canada (CIC) to ensure that the child has a claim to Canadian citizenship.  Until a claim is established, Passport Canada will not authorize consular officials to issue a travel document for the child and family to return to Canada.  We understand that delays can be frustrating for parents, however there is a need to protect the integrity of the citizenship/passport process that cannot be overlooked.   

We are working to clarify the procedures and to incorporate information related to recent changes introduced by the Indian Ministry of Home Affairs regarding children born through surrogacy.  Once these are ready, the information will be published on our website."

This is a start; I'm glad that recognition and guidance will be available on their website for those looking for it. But for those in India now, waiting... I can't imagine feeling that stress of being a new parent, now coupled with the uncertainty of the process in getting home. I really really hope both the Indian and Canadian governments can iron out the mess they've created and get back to the simplified and streamlined approach and process they had in place previously so people can get on with their lives.

My Worst Fears

With an 18 month old keeping me fairly busy, I've been out of the surrogacy via India loop for awhile now so it was a shock to me yesterday when I read that there may be new rules being outlined by the Indian Ministry of Home Affairs with who they issue exit visas to for babies born via surrogacy in India.  I was sent scrambling and put out several e-mails to: my contact at the Canadian consulate in Mumbai, my contact who worked with the FRRO when my son was born, and finally my clinic there.

All this to say is that the Indian Ministry of Home Affairs wants to revise the rules in how it issues exit visas to babies that are born in India via surrogacy. The new rules would only grant married couples who have been married for 2 years an exit visa for their baby/babies when leaving India. So intended single parents and intended same sex couple parents would not be granted exit visas for their babies.

I realize nothing has been legistlated yet but my contact who works with the FRRO did confirm these changes to me this morning. Specifically, he said all those now coming to India must come on a medical/surrogacy visa instead of a tourist visa. He said they will not issue exit visas to single parents but suggested that I wait for awhile as they might reverse these rules since surrogacy brings in revenue to the country, the clinics and they don't want to lose this to Thailand.

He assured me he will keep me posted if there are any changes to these new rules or if there are some loopholes through which an exit visa can be issued to the baby.

This is all in spite of the fact that these new rules seem to contradict the Guidelines for Surrogacy and IVF set out by Indian Council of Medical Research, which all reputable clinics follow.

Whether medical/surrogacy visas are more difficult to get, I don't know.

I will be following this closely over the next few months. This is hard for me as I still have embryos in India. What are those people supposed to do? What are single and same sex couple intended parents who are just getting pregnant now supposed to do? There is so much to be answered.

The Canadian consulate has not received anything officially from the Indian Government and are awaiting clarification from them. Also, the DNA sample collection of the child and parent(s) is now done only at the Canadian High Commission in New Delhi. Furthermore, the waiting period before you can travel back from India is a minimum of two months. My heart sinks as it feels like things are getting more and more challenging.

Every day I've thought about when I might be ready to go back and possibly try again for a brother or sister for Orion. I'm hoping I can still do this or figure out a way to get my embryos to Canada.

Christmas Lights

So, I've been a bad, bad blogger. But that's only because it's been a bad, bad last few months, health-wise. Nothing serious, just ever since Orion started daycare in March, it seems like it's been something every week or two. Pink eye, croup, flu, fever this, gastro that, etc. Whatever he gets, I get. I can barely remember the time, before I had a baby, when I'd get sick once or twice a year. I'm hoping and praying that 2013 is better for everyone in terms of health.

Aside from health, it's been an amazing year. A great first year in our new house, enjoying being back to work and working with those that I do, and of course an unforgettable year watching Orion grow. He's definitely a boy's boy, that's for sure. He loves soccer balls, cars/trucks and any electronic gadget. He's in the 90th percentile for growth and development. He's going to be a big boy, throwing his dad down the stairs for his wallet to buy the latest iphone or something.

More of a man than me at Thanksgiving:

Anyway, although I haven't been able to post as much as I'd like to, I have been keeping up with everyone else's blogs and I have been commenting when I can. I can't believe that our kids are growing up, when, for some of us who were on the surrogacy journey, were experiencing negative result after negative result... and our dreams seemed so far from reach. I hope 2013 is a great year for everyone, good health and here's hoping all our dreams come true!

The Birthday Boy

Check out my new pimped ride I got for my birthday!!!

A few weeks ago we celebrated Orion's first birthday. It was a special day for him and one that he probably didn't understand completely (as you'll see from his facial expression in the pictures below lol) but everyone wanted it to be special for him nonetheless.

My mom did an amazing job of organizing the party and putting everything together to make it Orion's special day. For one of his gifts, she made a hardcover photo collage book, detailing when the journey began when he was born back in Mumbai up until his first birthday.

It's a wonderful keepsake for him (one that I wish I had for me!) that I'll add to his baby book for him when he gets older.

For his first cake, I had to go all out. But before I go into that, I had no idea cakes were such serious business. I guess that's why there's a show on TLC called, "Cake Boss." I wanted Orion's first cake to be memorable and then every year after, it can be all downhill after that haha.

Orion's cake was inspired by The Little Prince / Le Petit Prince which he loves and I grew up on too. I was amazed to discover that every single thing on that cake was edible!

Between Orion's baby book and hardcover "My 1st Year" photo book that my mom made, I can't believe my son is already over a year old.

The year just flew by. Originally I had set a target date in my mind for around February/March to return to Mumbai and begin the process to transfer my 3 remaining embryos to try for a sibling for Orion. But we're already coming to the end of Summer, Fall will be here before I know it and I'm not sure I want to embark on that next journey so soon. I don't think I have the emotional/mental/physical strength just yet. I've just been enjoying life with my son and being with my family. I do want to try for a sibling for Orion though at some point but I don't think I'm ready just yet.

The past 2 weeks I've been on vacation. Last week was a staycation and we took Orion to a petting zoo (will post pics in the next entry) and this week we're at my parents' cottage, just enjoying the serene, quiet sounds of nature.

I hope everyone is having a great Summer!